This year my life has been different.
Usually – at least for the last several years – this time of year is me planning and plotting my strategy for PPWC since conference is about two months away. I would be looking through information on keynotes, haunting PPWC’s website for any updates on workshops and presenters, as well as setting up my Twitter feed so that they were nicely organized to see all of the conference posts (granted this is something I’m still planning to do).
This year is different. Granted, I don’t know how many of you actually read these or follow me on any of the other social media places I haunt, but if you do read these or see me talking on those other places, you’ll know my feed hasn’t been getting overrun with conference talk.
What’s different? Life, me, and any number of things that have effected both.
This past year and a half (probably longer, but this is a good even number) my family life has gone through a lot of drama. There have been some really high highs and extremely low lows. I’ll probably write a post shortly on a more personal aspect of those changes, but right now I want to focus on conference and my writing.
My writing has been hugely effected by all of the changes in my life. I’ve really put no new words to paper at least since last year’s conference where I got a little bit down after a new idea sparked. For a long time this last year and a half I’ve basically felt lacking, like I wasn’t the writer I thought I was.
Did I want to give up? Yes, I really, really did.
Could I give up? Never.
Even just admitting that out loud, or here on the interwebs, my heart skips a beat. I couldn’t imagine actually giving up writing. Even this last 18 months, my mind has been full of worlds and characters wanting to get out, even though I never got the chance to get words down.
So, this year, despite my husband usually preparing for me to pounce on him to get my registration to conference, I didn’t approach him. I knew that this year, I couldn’t be part of that world. I need to reevaluate my writing, to actually get writing done.
Boy-oh-boy, will I miss my friends and peers and the comradery that comes with going to conferences. Those are my people and I love them.
But this year, it needs to be for me.
I need to try and write (and I’ll talk about my plans for that later). I need to focus on me and get myself back to that place where I feel confident in my ability to write and feel like a writer again.
So, this year will be for me.