Quora Question #6 — Relationship Advice Edition

Another interesting topic. You can get questions asking you if you think it’s okay for cheating, to serious advice on how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Here are a couple of my recent answers in that category:

What does it mean when you thought you were seeing a girl, but she suddenly gets a boyfriend?

I’ll repeat what others have said and say: you didn’t have a good communication method with the girl.

Not all people assume if you see/date/have sex with someone more than once that that means you are in a relationship. A lot of people in this day an age assume that unless something is said differently then the relationship is open.

That is why communication is a key factor to relationships. If you believe one thing, that doesn’t mean the other side of the relationship does. If you wanted to be exclusive you should have mentioned and then you would have known at that point whether or not that person wanted that with you.

The fact that she went exclusive with another person would either indicate:

  1. She didn’t realize you were that serious about what was going on between the two of you
  2. She wasn’t serious about what was going on between the two of you and so pursued different avenues while having fun with you

 

My friend is in love with a guy, so she proposed to him, and he said, “I don’t know.” We cannot understand his intention. What is his intention?

Is it really your place to understand his intention?

I can understand your friend’s confusion and probably hurt feelings, but not yours.

There are a couple of reasons why he could be hesitating on answering (though his real answer is his own):

  • He is old school — the idea of a girl proposing may be against what he feels is “normal”, the traditions he was raised on may say it’s his place to propose not hers, he may just be uncomfortable on how it made him feel.
  • He is not ready for that commitment — though he may be as in love with her as she is, he may not be ready to take that big of a step.
  • He is not actually that into her — some people start off blinded by what I call the “honeymoon stage”, a period of time — usually the first two years or so — where you are still truly getting to know each other and everything it means to be a couple. After that first few years it may be that he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did before.
  • He may just honestly want time to think about it — not everyone jumps the gun. A marriage is a big step in a relationship, especially in regards to the legalities behind it and what comes from being tied to a person.
  • He may be confused why this is happening — have they discussed the possibility of marriage? If not, he may not know where this step is coming from.
  • He may not believe in marriage — not everyone thinks its the “next step” any more.


As I said, I can’t tell you what his reason is because in the end is his own. I gave you a handful of scenarios that are “could be” options. There might even be a combination of options.

I think your friend needs to sit down and talk with her boyfriend to determine what they want to proceed with. It shouldn’t hang in the air, it should be addressed, just not pestered about.

Also this needs to be between them. Not others unless both parties welcome people to the conversation.

 

I think of all places this is probably the category that I find a lot of the trollers of the internet. It is such an easy subject to ask troll-type question.

Anyways, see y’all next time!

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Quora Question #5 — Atheism Edition

Okay, I’m atheist. I believe I’ve talked about that before, if not, surprise (or not)! And when I said Quora has a section for everything, they really do. One of the topics I follow (did I mention you can do that?) is atheism just because there are some very uniquely interesting questions that come up that kind of make me scratch my head.

Here are some of the ones I’ve answered lately:

What are some names that atheists and feminists can give their children?

Whatever we want? Just like theists and non-feminists.

Everyone has their own reasons for naming their children what they pick, some may decide religious and/or feminist values are worth making that judgement on.

In my case, my daughter’s name is based on a chapter in the book Wind in the Willows. Why? Because my husband loved to read that book to his three other daughters and the name ended up being perfect.

I’m also a writer, so even my fictional “kids” get named different names for different reasons. Being an atheist, I don’t necessarily shy away from religion based names because of that. I also don’t exclude religion from my writing. It all depends on what works.

Can and do atheists get married in churches?

I am an atheist and never thought of not getting married in a church, but then again, I never thought of getting married in a church either.

Granted, I think churches can be beautiful buildings and if there had been one that drew enough of my attention I may have tried, but alas that was not the case.

When my husband and I got married, we decided to do so outside. Colorado is such a beautiful state and the location we found showed that off beautifully. A church never crossed our mind as a place to bring our family and friends together to celebrate in. Why would it when, other than passing by and admiring those buildings, they never cross my mind on a day to day basis.

I will stop and say here, though, that I’ve seen the cute little church my mother married in and I may have tried to get married in that church just because of it’s beauty, but since we were no where near it and didn’t plan to travel terribly far, it wasn’t an option.

But we did get married by the same priest that my parents got married by. He just happened to be my uncle and god father, and no longer a priest. Plus, he honored us by letting me write the ceremony and not balk at the fact that there was no religious basis to it at all.

 

How do atheists get married?

Like any wedding, I believe they can be very personal, or very simple.

I can tell you how I married my husband. We’re both atheists.

Funny enough we married ourselves because in Colorado you don’t need anyone other then yourselves to sign the certificate (other then the government official that issues the license) then yourselves. You don’t even need witnesses. You just have to swear you aren’t related. It was kind of strange. We ended up doing all of this, technically, before our actual wedding.

Our wedding was something I put together myself.

We had my uncle perform the ceremony, mostly because he officiated my parents’ wedding and we thought it was unique to have him do ours. At the time of my parents’ wedding, he was a Catholic priest and they had a Catholic ceremony. Since then he’s denounced his vows but still was pretty religious, but when I asked him he didn’t balk at doing a non-religious ceremony (his only concern was whether he legally could or not — which we found out he could).

I put a bunch of quotes and readings that I felt fit both my husband and I well. We exchanged rings, we read vows, and we added the slightly unusual hand fasting to our ceremony. The hand fasting was a way to bring in our family members and have them “bound” to us in that way as well. It was sweet and everyone involved enjoyed it (or didn’t tell me otherwise when we asked them). We also did a small sand ceremony (where you take different color sands and mix them to indicate the mixing of your lives) which usually is used between just a couple but we added my three step-daughters to the ceremony here because we wanted them to feel special and have something to show the five of us becoming one big family.

After the ceremony, we joined our friends and family and had amazing food and enjoyed each other’s company.

 

If you were to go look up my husband’s questions at any point, you’d see some other weird ones. He’s more of a serious follower of that topic then I am. I’ll answer one or two there that kind of irk me.

Until next time my lovelies!

Quora Question #4

And we’re back again lovelies (look I’m on a streak!) with another Quora question. This one is focused more on my own actual writing.

How do you create characters for your novel?

Like some other answerers have said, it really depends on how I get the idea for the story I’m working on.

A lot of my ideas are because of dreams I’ve had. That’s one of the reasons I keep a notebook next to my bed so that I can write down the interesting things I have in my dreams. But my dreams can either focus on an interesting person or an interesting event. I only rarely dream about myself, or those aren’t very memorable if I do.

Honestly my most developed ideas (ones that actually tend to get written) come from plot ideas rather then characters. With that I usually have something interesting come to mind. For example I had an idea for a story come from a dream of someone/something flying. I saw a world with castles and I knew that whoever or whatever was flying never had done it before. I woke up from that dream wanting to know more about a world where that experience could happen. It ended up with a group of people cursed with protecting different timelines, the downfall of this curse is they had to use magic to protect their time lines and to use their magic they had to shift into the form of a dragon (here is where the shock of flying comes in for the character from my dream). The more they change into dragons the more humanity they leave behind both physically and mentally.

I also have dreams or ideas that spark from memorable people or characters. One story I have came from the idea of this thief that was stealing a magical item from a vault. When she gets caught she turns into a tiger and runs from the house.

Obviously, my writing focuses pretty heavy on the fantasy and magic aspects of the writing world so the ideas come from mostly my dreams. The secondary characters just kind of show up while I write the stories.. They get as developed as need be and basically personalities develop the more I write.

 

So how do you create your own characters?

See you next time!

Quora Question #3

Hello my lovelies! Here’s today’s question and answer.

Who are the greatest female characters and why?

I love so many of these characters. Here are mine:

  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Tough, sexy and insecure. A mix of reality among the magic and fiction of her world.
  • Anita Blake (From the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton) — Strong willed, beautiful and confident. Knows that love comes in a variety of forms and is not limited to just between two people.
  • Arya Stark (Game of Thrones) — Strong, independent and eager to learn. Despite going through hardship after hardship, she stays tough and does what she has to do to survive.
  • Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones) — Strong, beautiful and smart. Plus she’s the Mother of Dragons.
  • Claire Randall/Beauchamp/Fraser (Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon) — Intelligent, beautiful and passionate. She’s not afraid to do what needs to be done and loves her family passionately.
  • Temperance Brennan (Bones) — Brilliant and passionate, loves her family (both blood and the family she’s created from friends) above all else.
  • Hermoine Granger (Harry Potter)– Smart and not afraid to show it.
  • Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds) — Brilliant and tough. Beautiful in her own way and not afraid to be herself around people.

 

There are bunches of fun ones on this one as well, go check them out! See you next week!

Quora Question #2

Not necessarily in the terms of writing itself but definitely one that was interesting to think about.

 

What fictional town would you most like to visit?

I think my answer could ramble on and on on the different places and why but I’ll name a few:

  • Narnia (Talking animals and magic!)
  • Any of the places from the Harry Potter world (Magic!)
  • The alternate St. Louis from the Anita Blake world (Mythological creatures and some magic thrown in!)

What would really be cool would be having a device that allowed you to get into those worlds and experience the stories in person. Then we could visit all of those worlds!

 

There were some really fun answers on this one. I know I had to limit myself to those three so I wouldn’t just keep rambling on.

If you want another fun one to go through (I haven’t put an answer on this one but I’ve spent hours reading through some of these):

What are some amazing knots/coincidences/events that are untied in the Harry Potter series?

Quora Post #1 and Explanation

So Quora, if you’ve never been, is a Q & A type site. I’d say more serious than the Google/Yahoo answers type scenario and has a bunch of people from all branches of life. For some reason it seems to avoid a lot of the trolls that tend to hit the other two locations, maybe because it has a lot more professionals floating around the site.

I’ve seen writers there, politicians, actors, astronauts, mothers, fathers, retirees. Everyone. There are questions for everyone floating around there. I know if I get going I can get lost in the enjoyment of answering questions.

They have a “be polite” policy and policies for avoiding conflict. All-in-all, it is a wonderfully run site. I think one of the fun aspects is that you can Upvote answers that you like, so if you don’t have anything to add to the answers already there, you can give credit to people that you think answered the question well. You can also comment on answers and the question itself, so if you want to start a discussion you can, or if you need information cleared up, you can get that information from the answerer or the question asker.

Another fun thing is that you can be asked to answer questions, so if you get going on answering things and have trouble finding ones to answer, at some point you may be asked to answer a question.

It was brought to my attention through the hubs who had stumbled across a question he thought would be fun if we both answered to see if people would catch on:

Do you have an amazing story of how you met your husband/wife/partner that defies the odds?

Since I don’t think I’ve really told our story here before, here is the story of how we met and my answer to the question:

Getting out of a long relationship, or at least what I considered long at the time – it was only two years, I thought I would casually look for something new but I wasn’t really looking for anything serious.

I had joined OkCupid long before I started looking around because I liked quizzes, and part of their matching used personality quizzes and tests. I thought it was interesting.

I was 19 going on 20 and like I said, didn’t want anything serious because my last serious relationship was hellish and not a happy story. What teenage love is?

I would spend time going between quizzes and looking at profiles, trying to find people to hang out with and get to know. I was never good at making friends with guys, so I thought it would be a great place to start, and maybe something might slowly start from there.

As a girl of any age on dating sites, you learn that 90% of the people that send you a message they are looking for one thing: sex. So, I learned that when you get a message on those sites you need to casually look at the message, they’ll either be obvious in the actual message asking for a hook up or when you get to their profile they’ll be obvious there.

So, I usually didn’t depend on the message I got first from guys, I waited to see if people responded to me. My profile was pretty intense, definitely not short and sweet, but there were tidbits in there that were more personal (I’ve always been an open person).

I came across my now husband’s profile and was taken aback. Not only was this guy gorgeous with the kind of piercing blue eyes that just draw you, he had taken the time to fill out the profile in detail and seemed to have a nonchalant attitude toward the whole dating scene. OkCupid’s profile page had you answer questions, which made things interesting and easier for those that struggled with coming up with something to put.

So I sent him a quick message: “I just wanted to say you have gorgeous eyes and a beautiful smile.”

It was true, but I wasn’t thinking anything would come from it. I was almost 20 and he was 27, plus he lived 400 miles away on the otherside of the state and I had learned that guys tend to shy away from longer distance relationships.

But it wasn’t terribly long before I got a message back saying thanks and we sparked up a conversation.

He was intelligent and funny and we just talked and talked.

I think he was trying to scare me off with the fact that he had kids (I knew this from his profile already – and he did eventually tell me that that was something he was trying to use to test the waters because I was so much younger then him). I wasn’t scared of kids, being in a day and age where high schoolers are having kids (I’m not saying it’s right but it happens) I was used to it. Not to mention, I had baby sat from a young age as well as work in a preschool that was run out of my high school.

I like kids and had always wanted some of my own, so if I started something with someone with kids then I was fine with that if they were.

I asked to see pictures of his kids and they were absolutely adorable.

To say we talked for hours is putting it lightly. The sun was rising by the time we both realized how long we’d been talking and how easily the conversation flowed.

We decided we’d talk again.

I went to bed that night thinking I had made an amazing new friend. Both of us had said we’d both gotten out of long relationships and weren’t looking for anything serious.

We continued to have long and intense conversations and I felt that gentle heart-tug that let me know I was starting to feel something more then friendship, but I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to taint the good thing I had going.

Then he asked to meet me.

I’ll be honest. I was scared. I’d never actually met anyone online before, and it was in that time when there were all these stories about people getting hurt from meeting people online.

Despite the fear, I said yes. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to meet this amazing guy.

So he drove the 400 miles and I showed him around my city. Including a park that I have gone to my entire life and meant the world to me. I still love that park now.

We talked as easily and casually as we had online, no hesitation at all. Time passed quickly and we decided to sit on one of the hills in the park where we were to talk.

He put his arm around me when I told him I was cold.

That “I like you feeling” had still been growing through out the day, and despite not wanting to taint a great friendship, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from asking him to kiss me.

He wasn’t thrown off and that kiss lasted forever.

It was really late and I felt bad that he’d be spending hours on the road to get home, so I invited him home.

We fell asleep together on the couch watching movies and talking, stealing kisses here and there.

I can honestly say that day is one of the best days of my life.

We continued the long distance thing for about a year and a half before he moved to Denver to be closer to his family.

He asked me to move there with him.

I said yes.

Four years after that amazing day in the park, I had another amazing day to add to my list: our wedding day.

Now it’s been over seven years and we’re still going strong.

Neither of us had been looking for anything serious, but we both found something amazing.

***Edit 1/3/2015 ***

Just because I can and because people enjoyed our story I wanted to update things.

Todd Allen and I have been married for a bit over four years now. His three daughters live with us full time in Denver.

Life has been full of surprises, ups and downs, but our little family is going strong. And actually just became a little bigger in October when we welcomed a 4th daughter to the mix. 🙂

If you go through the answers you can find Todd’s answer as well.

Like I said, I’ll try to post these on Mondays for questions/answers that I enjoyed. I’ll stick to my own answers and try to focus on the writing ones, but there are so many interesting ones out there.

If you decide to join up, follow me there – it has its own social media aspect as well!