DTP Part 15

So here we go back to depressing Cara. I would like to put forward a warning that this post contains material that is related to suicide. I never did attempt, or even think about attempting, I just was very in tune with the subject.

The Final Goodbye
Written on: January 7, 2001 (Age fourteen)

A pen in her hand
As she writes a letter
Her tears fall heavily
She knows it’s all for the better

She has nothing left to live for
Her family is all gone
Her husband and son
Both dead and seldom remembered

The knife will be sharp
The pain will be high
But nothing hurts as bad
As the pain in her heart

Scared she may be
But she’ll finally be free
Of all the tears
And hurt

She ends the letter
So long and so scary
She’ll take her life
With a cut to her wrist

She’ll pray to God
One last time
She knows the way
Won’t ever be to heaven

But she can’t stand the pain anymore
It’s been the last straw
So she’ll take one more breath
And get the work done

She’ll tell God
To protect those who are gone
She’ll tell him
To tell them she loves them

She grabbed the knife
A bright silver light
It’ll pierce her skin
And her blood will flow one last time

She started to shake
As the knife pierced her skin
The knife soon covered in her blood
Her heart starting to pound

She closed her eyes
The pain was going deep
And her fear was building up
The tears more constant

Hoping that this will go fast
So painful thoughts
Don’t go through her head
Her breath going slower

She laid herself upon the floor
Heat overwhelmed her
And the light was getting brighter
Her life was slipping away

She heard a knocking
Not knowing if it was real
She was getting scared
She couldn’t yell or scream

Soon a shadow stood over her
Her brother standing tall
He was yelling her name
And she said two words

Help me
She kept saying
Not knowing
If he could hear

She’d forgotten
That she was supposed to see her brother
One she didn’t know
And now he saw her on the floor

He picked her up into his arms
And set her in a chair
She heard him call an ambulance
To get her away from here

She knew it was going to be too late
For them to save her now
How could she have done this
And hurt her brother so

Now he’d feel the pain she felt
Every single day
It would be all her fault
Because she didn’t want to stay

She heard the siren far away
Her pain was all gone
Her brother ran toward the door
But her life was already gone

She felt like she was flying
Out of herself
She saw three men rush toward her
To see what they could do

Why was she not in hell?
Didn’t it say she’d go there?
But it wasn’t burning here
Would she go to heaven?

Would God bring her there?
With everyone she knew
Or would God just tease her some
And show her what she was going to miss

Then she heard a booming voice
Whisper in her ear
I will give you one more chance
To choose if you will die

To go back to your brother’s love
And see what life will bring
Maybe you’ll find that love will
Come again

Oh dear God
Please let me go
Back to where I was
Back to love and happiness

Let me have this one last thing
I’ll never try this again
I’ll wait until you want me here
To be blessed by your light

I will gie you your life
And send you back home
Give you back to your brother
And back to his love

Soon she woke up in a room
Her wrist wrapped in a bandage
She saw a t.v. with her heart rate
Going back to normal

She saw her brother sleeping in a chair
Saw worry in his face
She reached over and touched
He startled awake

‘I’m home’
Is all she said to him
And soon fell back asleep

This is when I still believed in God. Now I’m a wonderful atheist because I was betrayed by my beliefs when I needed them most.

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A Whisper In The Ear

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